My depression has been very bad lately. I am disgusted with the lack of positive change in my life. When I look back at the past 15 years I am horrified at what has become of me. Where was the awesome college experience, which was supposed to lead to a Master’s degree, followed by a Doctorate? What happened to my awesome career as a scientist? What happened to moving somewhere, anywhere, other than where I am now? If I could answer these questions, I probably wouldn’t be so miserable.
I realize that this blog is a lot of me whining and moaning. Poor me, my life sucks, feel sorry for me, etc, etc. Which is not cool. I need to grow up and take some responsibility for the things that have happened to me. Yes there are many ways in which people and events have royally screwed me over, and made me miserable. It’s my own fault that that misery became permanent instead of just temporary. I need to get off my behind and do something about it. Anything.
I could write more. Blogging might lead to a career, you never know. Also, if I can’t be an environmental advocate (my career choice when I began college), then maybe I can be an advocate for mental health care reform. I have a feeling we’re gonna be needing that last one given the direction the U.S. is taking. I could also combine the two, by blogging about mental health issues. And no, I don’t mean by talking about my own personal problems all the time. I mean by doing research on current events and how they might affect people with mental illness. Or by suggesting positive changes that the healthcare system could make to better serve the mentally ill. I just need to try. Trying and failing is better than not even putting in the effort to begin with.