We’re not little kids any more, you can’t take your ball and go home because life isn’t working out the way you want it to.
- me commenting on another blog
I don’t take back what I said – I still stand by the sense of it – but oh how hypocritical can one person be?
I went back to bed today. Well, actually, I went back to bed twice, the first time at six am and then again at noon. Eventually, I got up, showered and dressed but I haven’t been outside. I’ve watched TV, I’ve written a few overdue e-mails, I’ve caught up on some blogs. That’s it. Hardly living life to the full. Hardly living at all really.
I stay in. I stay in bed. The Cruse counsellor once called it sulking, sulking because I don’t get my own way. She said it was a silent protest and the accusation stung. It seemed unfair. I thought I was recovering, recuperating, licking my wounds, at worst hiding.
But she had a point – if I can’t have it my way, I don’t play. But that isn’t because I haven’t tried over and over again to live by other people’s rules. And come back bashed up and half-dead. Or, at least, wanting to die.
The hermit – if he be a sensible hermit – will swallow his own thoughts, and lock up his own emotions, during these weeks of inward winter. He will know that Destiny designed him to imitate, on occasion, the dormouse, and he will be comfortable: make a tidy ball of himself, creep into a hole of life’s wall, and submit decently to the drift which blows in and soon blocks him up, preserving him in ice for the season.
- Charlotte Bronte, Vilette
You are a making progress la and I think you sometimes forget that you are moving on. You used to be like me when I was trying to quit smoking. I would try like hell, then ive in and have one, then i would just think ‘Fuck it, I failed’ and go back to smoking. These days, yeah, you might have bad times, may spend a couple of days in bed, but you aren’t quitting the things that you want to do.
That will make a big difference. Albeit rather slowly.
I heard a rumour Emmy the Great is playing in town tonight. Do you still like her?
She is Emmy the OK.
Hypocrisy r us. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve told my friends that they ARE beautiful and they absolutely MUST love themselves while not ‘allowing’ myself to eat because I don’t ‘deserve’ to, or after having not looked in a mirror for three days because I’m ‘obese’.
I think with advice, people say what they know to be right, what they believe rather than what they’re able to feel all the time. I could talk someone else through changing the oil filter on a car and could, at a push, manage it myself but I wouldn’t apply for a job at a garage just yet. If that analogy makes any sense.
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Making perfect sense, Tanya =)